Women, life, happiness
  • Why Playing Hard to Get Won’t Work . . .

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    May 27th, 2011Keryl PesceBook Reviews, Family and Relationships

    and other relationship myths you'll see an entirely new light after reading "The Case for Falling in Love" by Mari Ruti, PhD. Trust me. You'll never view love or so-called failed love the same again.

    You know I'm an avid reader, and when I agreed to review this book, I did so because I figured it would be an appropriate topic for you. I mean, who doesn't want to love, be loved, let go of past failed romances and understand the complicated web we call intimate relationships. This book could single-handedly take the place of any book on relationships you've ever read. Yes girls, ditch the old guides.

    Not only is Mari's bookloaded with insight that is guaranteed to elicit more than a few "Aha!" moments, there is another reason I love it so much. One of my motivations for writing Happy Bitch was that many self-help books out there are jammed with priceless information . . . if you can stay awake. Don't get me wrong. I love these books, but I know damn well, there are thousands of people who could benefit from the information, but are disconnected because of the delivery. Not here. Mari nailed it. She's a PhD, bringing to the table incredible knowledge, but she does something so many brilliant authors fail to do – she speaks to us. She's not afraid to show her passions or her personality. I'm all for that.

    So who is this book for and what can you expect to get out of it? See if any of these strike a nerve:

    - I keep making the same mistakes with men.

    -My heart has been broken by a man/failed relationship.

    -How could my husband up and decide he wants someone else when he promised to love me for life?

    -What do I need to do to find a quality guy?

    -How do I recover from a painful breakup?

    -What do I need to do to experience true love?

    Mari deliver's the cupcake, the frosting AND the sprinkles. You'll get every answer clear as day with a bonus: the pressure of "doing relationships right" will be lifted by the time you turn the final page. This my friends, is relationship liberation. OK, so I'm starting to sound like a Mari Ruti groupie.

    Fine, I'll give you a small negative. She goes on a bit of a rant bashing other self-help authors. I got the point long before the rant was over, but hey, you've got to give the girl credit for her passion. But keep reading. Once she gets off her soap-box, the myths of relationships will unravel right before your eyes.

    To give you a few of my favorite excerpts: (And believe me, this book looks like an origami bumble bee with all my turned corners and yellow highlights.)

    " . . . thinking that we must revamp ourselves before we can be loved can only lead to lowered self-esteem and romantic dead ends."

    "If you can't be who you are, or act the way you want, what's the point of being in a relationship?" Amen sister!

    "Women are taught that making a guy work for it raises their value. But I think that the very opposite is the case – that nothing signals lack of confidence more than the idea that you need to manipulate a lover in order to keep his interest."

    "If you're filled with purpose and positive energy, you'll know that you're a great catch."

    "Being able to tolerate periods of singleness is the flip side of high-quality relationships. It's impossible to love fully without risking aloneness."

    "Whenever a guy fails to clear our bar, we have two choices. We can lower our bar. Or we can take it elsewhere."

    "There's nothing better for your self-esteem than having the strength to reject what you know is bad for you. This goes for potato chips and pizza, but it also goes for certain kinds of men."

    "A love failure is not a life failure. When it comes to love gone wrong, we need to give ourselves a break."

    "Some of our most meaningful love affairs are those that fail."

    "There's nothing like the agony of loss to make us want to actively participate in the shaping of our future."

    "When we admit that love's mission might be to mold our destiny, we are able to view its misfortunes as an important part of the process."

    "Over time, the losses of love can give rise to forms of psychological acumen that deepen our character. They can force us to grow layers of strength that we never realized we were capable of. In this sense, there are few mistakes in love."

    "You can feel pain without being ruled by it. You can accept it without being shattered by it."

    "A romantic failure urges us to reconceive who we are. It's conceivable that he has helped us become a better version of ourselves."

    "Mourning demands that we, eventually, give ourselves the permission to start feeling better."

    "Mourning is not just designed to make life possible after loss. It's designed to make new forms of life available to us."

    "There's normally a compensation for the pain we are asked to endure. This compensation finds its way into our lives during the time it takes us to travel from the spot where loss punches us in the stomach to the spot where we start breathing again. This distance is exhausting to traverse. But it's also much more packed with insight that most other periods of our existence. "

    "We sometimes discover that what most devastated us in the past becomes the cornerstone of our future." 

    From personal experience, I can tell you, she is dead nuts on.

    Highly, highly recommend this book. Here is a link to purchase on Amazon.

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