Women, life, happiness
  • “Why can’t I lose weight? I would be so happy.”

    April 14th, 2010Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships, Healthy Living
    Well if that ain't the question on the minds of about 98% of adult women, I don't know what is. This is going to be interesting. What I’m about to tell you isn’t what you’re used to hearing.
    Let's start with the question "Why can't I lose weight?".  Part of the problem lies within the question itself. You see the language we use is a reflection of the way we think. The question reflects ineffective thinking.
    How so? By asking this, you are looking for reasons you've been unable to succeed. Trust me. You will get them. Without realizing it, you’re reinforcing your own failure. Think about the answers you get. "I'm too tired to exercise." "I have no will power." "I don't have time to cook healthy meals."
    I could go on, but you get the point. Whether your desire is to get in shape, make more money, find that special person to love, the principle is the same. You will get the answers you seek. Instead, begin asking empowering questions. How about this? "What do I need to do to get in shape?" Aha, now we’re thinking solution-based.
    But here's the kick in the ass. You already know the answer. We all do. Eat less. Move more. OK, so maybe that over-simplifies it, but really, we all know what foods are good for us, which ones aren't and to lose weight, we need to burn more calories than we consume. We already know what to do. The question is. How do we get ourselves to do it? Right?
    Before I show you how, I want you to consider something. There are those (William Glasser, MD, author of Choice Theory is one of them) who will tell you any self-destructive behavior – eating yourself to unhealthy levels, excessive alcohol consumption or even drug abuse, are the symptoms of a primary relationship in our life not being what we want it to be. So my first piece of advice is to take a look at the key relationships in your life. Is there a large gap between how you would like the relationship to be and the way it is now? If so, begin to look at your own behavior and attitudes toward this person and ask yourself what you can do to improve the relationship. Yes, I said you. I'll bet a pair of hot skinny jeans and a pair of Manolo's you think they are the problem. In a later post I'll spend more time on this concept, but for now, I want you to stop thinking this way. It’s powerless living. You are concerning yourself with something you can't control – the behavior of others. I want you to be the bigger person, take the initiative and do what you can to adjust your own behavior to improve the situation. Just trust me here.
    Now for the meat. When most of us make the decision to lose weight, it is typically tied to wanting to look better. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, who doesn't? The challenge is it's not usually enough. How many times has it been your New Year's Resolution to lose weight and by March 1 or before, it's history?
    So let me ask you this. Have you or anyone you know ever had a heart attack or close call that scared the crap out of you? Enough that you (or that person) finally found the willpower to make change? Want to know why? Because the goal became attached to something significantly more powerful than vanity. It was tied to a life value. Values are the strongest motivator we have. Pause and think about this for a second. What is something you value greatly? Maybe the happiness and well being of someone you love? Do you labor over decisions or have a hard time doing what you need to when this comes into play? No. Not at all. You act quickly, easily and consistently without needing to give it much thought.
    What we want to do for you then is simple. I'm not making light of it here, but the truth is getting in shape can be easy for you. I know that's contrary to what you may believe or have been told. You’re used to hearing "Getting in shape is hard." Bull shit. Will it require physical work? Sure, but getting yourself to do what you need to can be easy.
    Here's what you do. First, get clear in your head what your goal and vision is. Losing weight isn't that great. Getting in shape and being healthy is a lot better. Who cares what the number is anyway? Muscle weighs more than fat, so it’s possible you could get in great shape and not even see a major change in your weight.
    Use a different benchmark. Measure your progress by the energy and alertness you feel as well as liking what you see when you look in the mirror. I don't own a scale. What for? All I need is a pair of jeans. When I feel like a sausage, I know I’m off track. When they slide on, I turn ass to mirror and smile, I know I’m on the right track.
    Next, and most importantly, tie the goal to what is really important to you. Getting in shape is so much more than appearance. It's about taking control over our health and drastically reducing our chances of getting cancer, heart disease, diabetes, chronic illnesses and even suffering injuries. This is important to every one of us, but let's take it deeper. What will avoiding these illnesses do for you? An even bigger question is this. What will it do for those you love? Here’s where we get in touch with our values.
    I know this may be a little tough for you, but I promise you it will be worth it. I want you to imagine what you will say to those you love as you break the news to them that your life is being cut short because of an illness brought on by lifestyle choices you made. How will you tell them? What will it do to them? How much pain will they suffer as a result of your choice not to be as healthy as you can? Don't fool yourself that you're young, you're not at risk and someday you'll do what you need to do. Before today is over, thousands of people won't ever walk in the door to their home or ever see their families again as a result of not taking care of themselves. Don’t be one of them. Someone loves you. They need you. They are counting on you to be around for a while. So do it.
    So once and for all, get your ass in shape. Today would be a great day to start.
    Please comment and share with the other Happy Bitches your thoughts on this as well as your own insight on this topic.
    (For additional insight into getting in shape, see post “The Pleasure Principle”.)
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6 responses to ““Why can’t I lose weight? I would be so happy.”” RSS icon

  • Now that makes two of us! Waking up this morning and reading your comment just made my whole day. Keep it up girlfriend! Woohoo!!

  • This is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!! I love this website!
    This was a great article… I have been watching biggest loser for years on TV and something clicked in me this past fall. I am not old but i dont want any medical problems.. I made only 1 New Years resolution and it was to get into shape…. Usually i have a list but not this year… Just the one… So i am on my treadmill 4 days a week and the weight is slowly coming off. I need to tweak my eating a bit and i know i will be a different person physicaly soon! I am also only doing this for me… The biggest loser is about calories in and calories burned…nothing else.. SIMPLE…But doing it is the hard part… So i am making the small but needed changes to accomplish my goal. Also by the way i am a mortgage banker (Stressfull sometimes) and a Mom t0 3 teenage boys and i am married. So if I can do this you can too!!!!!!!!!!!
    I want to be a totaly happy bitch!!!!!! :)

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  • You can do this! You already are. And thank you. You just brought tears to my eyes. I want to make a difference while I’m here. You just made me feel like I am. :)

  • This really hit home for me.
    My dad just died with heart issues & my mom died years ago with diabetes. I am always scared it will happen to me but not scared enough to attach it to my wieght issues.
    I started back at the gym on Monday & already feel better today, mind, spirit & body.
    Your conversation is exactly what I needed half way through my first tough week.
    I can do this! For me, for the kids, hell, even for the hubby!
    Thanks for the pep talk!!

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