Women, life, happiness
  • “Why are men such pigs?”

    June 17th, 2010Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships

    Oooh!  Somebody's got their pretty little panties in a bunch! 

    Obviously this chick has some sort of evidence or personal experience to prompt this question and the embedded assumption that all men, in fact, are pigs. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess her man cheated on her.

    First, let me say I appreciate all of you who show interest in what I have to say by following this blog and particularly those of you who send me questions. So to my girlfriend who asked this, you need to know that my number one goal with the time, energy, thought and effort I put into this is to give you the best possible feedback and advice I can to lead you toward a happier existence – even if doing so means I need to disagree with you. And it is with love and a genuine desire to help you that I do . . . disagree that is.

    I don't doubt this girl has just had a negative experience with men. But to classify all men as pigs is the equivalent of men who say all women are bitches, gold diggers or high maintenance. (Those just came out a little too easily – we need to revamp our reps girls!)

    Anyway, all men are not pigs. However, I do understand how she came to feel this way.

    What happens is each time we experience an upsetting or stressful event like the discovery of an affair, we build evidence inside our minds that things just are a certain way. Sometimes it is justified and serves us. Other times, when we apply it universally and in absolute terms, it becomes detrimental to us. How so? What does this girl want? Obviously a loving and satisfying relationship with a faithful man. Why else would she ask such a passionate question? Except if she convinces herself this newly-formed belief is fact, she will repel the very thing she desires.

    Think about it. How will this belief cause her to behave toward men? She will be standoffish, guarded and actually expecting her next man to cheat. What happens when we expect something? You get the point.

    So my first piece of advice is to think long and hard (easy girls) about all the men she knows of who provide counter-evidence to this belief. She needs to open her mind and heart to the fact that there are really great guys out there, because there are.

    Secondly, and I know this will be a little challenging for some to get, but the truth is, none of us really knows what goes on inside the minds of other people. Christ, we don't even understand ourselves sometimes. My point is, our subconscious mind is loaded with stuff that directs our behavior in ways that don't make sense to our conscious selves.

    Men who cheat are often searching for pleasure to satisfy some inner conflict. Same goes for certain celebrities or ultra wealthy people who over-indulge in buying expensive items, partying, and even sex. They're searching for something that's missing. They want to fill a void of inner emptiness or unhappiness, except that behavior only provides short term pleasure and contrary to what they really want, serves to magnify their internal unease. I'm not condoning cheating. I'm just suggesting you look past the action and understand there is something deeper driving the behavior. Sometimes a better understanding helps us to wrap our heads around stuff that so painfully stabs at our hearts.

    And thirdly, I'm about as much a fan of holding grudges as I am of drinking buzzard puke. It's not only nasty, it's useless and all it does is make us sick. If someone has done something to wrong you, why allow anger and resentment to hang around? You're giving away power over your emotions. Don't do it. Forgiveness is all about you baby, not them. Remember, there is a huge distinction between what happens and our response to what happens. The response is our choice.

    I'm not saying this girl isn't justified in her pain. She is. I've been there and I get it. I'm saying there comes a time when the best choice is to recognize the past is just that – the past. It has no power over us except the power we choose to give it.

    Maybe it's time to lift the weight off, set it down and put it behind you.

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2 responses to ““Why are men such pigs?”” RSS icon

  • Absolutely spot on with your advice. We cannot control the actions of others, but we CAN control how WE react to them. By expressing anger, resentment, and anxiety we are empowering them. Life is a series of choices; good or bad they are ours and we must stick with them. We can make our own choices, but cannot make the right ones for others. People must find their own way , and sometimes it takes them a lifetime to get there. It takes too much energy to stay angry or worry about a situation that cannot be changed. I know, I have made myself physically ill over other peoples’ issues i knew I could not control. It’s perfectly good energy I could have used to work out, write, or just relax. Time to let go of the past….it was put there for REASON and we need to get over it to move on. Life is too short to dwell on the negative. You only get one shot at this life….take advantage of all of its gifts! WT’s DH….. :)

  • Great blog. Move forward and reach out for the positive energy. That MAN or even Soulmate is out there…if you don’t reach out and participate in the life cause you live in the past, then the only person it effects is YOU! Everyone and life will move forward as YOU stand there wondering and hating on someone or something which eventually will never ever think of you. Baggage, leave it and use a carry on!

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