Women, life, happiness
  • The Five Biggest Relationship Mistakes You Don’t Want to Make

    September 7th, 2011Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships, Life in general

    Relationship mistakes? Who me? Yes, you. Yes, me. Yes, all of us.

    If you've made relationship mistakes in the past, well, welcome to the club. I think we all have. Oh well. Move on. It doesn't matter so much that we've screwed up in the past, what matters is that we learn what works, what doesn't work and have the presence of mind to stay alert and not fall into the same old patterns and keep making the same mistakes. When relationships ain't going so hot, we all like to think it's the other person, but let's face it, it takes two to Tango, so let's make sure you're not contributing to the drama.

    Here are the five biggest relationship mistakes you don't want to make, in reverse order:

    5 – Trying to bitch your partner into loving you.

    Come on now, be honest. He pisses us off and it's sooooo tempting to make digs at him to show him how wrong his behavior is. Resist the temptation! When was the last time someone bitched at you and it made you feel inspired to love them more? How about never? Cool your jets. Don't sweat the small stuff. If what you're going to complain about won't be such a big deal a year from now, refrain from the complain. Let it go. Before you open your trap, ask yourself if what you are about to say will draw him or her closer to you or push him or her further away.

    4 – Not being honest.

    You don't want people lying to you, so don't do it to other people. If you've got something you need to lie about or keep from your partner, perhaps you need to skip down to #1. Those little buggers have their way of surfacing their ugly heads and more often than not, it's 10 times worse than if you just owned up to it and got it out in the open.

    3 – Pulling back when you're not getting what you want.

    This is a pretty close sister mistake to #5. Pulling back is passive aggressive behavior, designed to influence and control the behavior of someone else. You feel he isn't giving you enough attention, respect, love, whatever, so you withhold the same. I get the knee-jerk reaction to do this, but the fact is, it doesn't get you more of what you want. Whatever you feel is lacking in a relationship or life for that matter, give more of.

    2 – Trying to change your partner.

    We're notorious for this. We think we're so special that he (or she) will finally change when they're with us. Don't go into a relationship knowing of someone else's faults and thinking you will change who they are. The one and only person you can change is you. If you want different results and behaviors from someone else, ask yourself what you can do differently. Then do it.

    1 – Lacking the cajones to get out of a bad one.

    You got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. I'm not suggesting you take flight at the first sign of trouble, because none of us are perfect. But know when this person simply isn't the right one for you and move on. You don't need to be spiteful or hurtful. Make a decision for you, not against him. Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back. If you know what you've got is bad for you and isn't what you want out of life, then go out there and get what is. Life is too short. You're not doing your partner any favors if you feel you are settling by being with him. If you care at all for him, he deserves to be set free to find someone who truly wants to be in the relationship.

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