Women, life, happiness
  • “My friend really hurt my feelings.”

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    June 10th, 2010Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships, Life in general

    Let's imagine for a minute that you are having lunch with a girlfriend. It's a gorgeous sunny day, and you landed a great table outside. Your girlfriend is sitting across from you sipping on a glass of wine and wearing a trendy new pair of sunglasses complete with the proverbial rose-colored lenses. She pauses in the midst of the juicy gossip, looks at you and says. "Your face looks awfully pink." 

    Now, if you're like me, and depending on how many glasses of wine you've had or where you are in the process of a sip, taste and swallow, you'd likely laugh just hard enough to shoot a bit of your Chardonnay right out your pretty little nose  – right before you call her a ding bat (OK, maybe dip shit).

    Why? Because you know damn well your face ain't a bit more pink than it is any other day of the year and the girl doesn't get that she's looking at you through pink sunglasses. So let me ask you something. Are you at all insulted by her remark? No. Why would you be? You realize what she sees is because of the glasses she is looking through.

    Well, guess what? Every word a person utters, every action, non-action, insult, complement, question, or opinion goes through an identical process. Each of us has our own lenses through which we view and interpret the world around us. And what we see and how we interact with others is like a neon sign that glares bright and clear what's going on inside of us

    Anais Nin said "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."  You can go right to the bank with that.

    Think about it. Have you ever met a person who is quick with the insults and seems to always finds what's wrong? What does that tell you? It's an indication of what's going on inside her head. She's not a happy person. She doesn't feel good about herself and is projecting that out to the people around her. Conversely, do you know someone you love being around and who notices and comments on the positive aspects of the world and people around her? That tells you she is a happy, confident person.

    So next time someone insults you or acts in a way that might upset you, remember two things. It reflects on her more than you. And rather than taking offense or getting pissed off, have compassion for her.  I'm very serious. That's an unhappy girl, and I guarantee you she doesn't want to be in the place she is. Secondly and no less important, understand that no one can hurt your feelings without your permission. Remember, there's what happens and then there is our our response. Our response is our choice.

    So to this person who felt insulted by her friend, my suggestion is to let her friend know what she said or did got her wondering if everything was OK. Ask her if there was something bothering her. We may be Happy Bitches, but on the off-chance that she actually deserved the comment, apologize, adjust future behavior and move on. If her friend can't let it go, that is her issue. There's not much more you can do about it.

    If your feelings were truly hurt, I'm going to guess you didn't deserve it, so let it slide right off. The comment or action reflects on her, not you.

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