Women, life, happiness
  • I’m gay and afraid what people will think. What should I do?

    April 8th, 2010Keryl PesceLife in general

    I’ve actually known this girl for years. I’ve always felt a sense of sadness within her. She seldom smiles, let alone laughs. Most times my attempts to pick up her mood have been futile. I never took it personally, but I always wondered why she was so closed off and sad.

    Now I understand.


    Who wouldn’t feel sad and lonely? Imagine living a life on the outside that isn’t in alignment with who you are on the inside. What if her friends or family look down on her? What if they disapprove or even cut her out of their lives? Think about what it must be like to censor every thought, every word and every feeling. Maybe you already do. My heart breaks for her or anyone else in this position.


    First question I have is what is her motivation behind keeping who she really is a secret? Everything we do and all beliefs we hold contain the seed of a positive intention. So what is hers? My guess is to remain safe. She wants to avoid criticism, disapproval or possible abandonment.


    It’s normal to want to play it safe, but how safe is she really? I say keeping who she is a secret is dangerous territory. How so? She carries with her every moment of every day, an incredible burden. That can’t be healthy for anyone. She’s got to be slowly dying inside.


    The next question I want to bring up is this: Who is running her life? I’ll tell you who isn’t. She isn’t. It’s being lived for her. Her life is centered around the opinions and judgments of other people. I’m not picking on her. She sure as heck is not alone. But let’s look at why it is virtually impossible for any of us to live happily this way.


    When do we feel the most anxiety? When we feel we have the least amount of control over our lives, right? So where is the power and control right now? Outside of her. Dependent on the opinions of others. How often can we please everyone? How about never? It’s impossible. So if we live in a way where our sense of self-worth comes primarily from the approval of others, we’ll never truly be happy.


    True happiness begins with knowing who you are, what you believe in and living true to that. It comes from within. It’s a constant in your life regardless of what is happening around you.


    She needs to decide to be the one who is in control of her life. This one decision will empower her beyond belief. Until now, she has given her power away. I say take it back.


    Will she encounter criticism or disapproval? Pretty good chance she will. But guess what? The criticism will only come from narrow-minded people and who cares what they think? Family or not. I’d rather live true to who I am and be accepted and loved for that than to live a lie and constantly worry about the approval of others. Screw that.


    Would you rather have a lot of people in your life and wonder if they accept you for who you really are, or would you rather have less people in your life, but know that those who remain love and accept you for who you really are? She may be surprised. She may find herself surrounded by even more people.


    Take Ellen DeGeneres as an example. She is loved by millions of people. And when did her career, personal life and popularity explode? After she began to live true to who she is. I have no doubt it was a long-considered and difficult decision for her. I also have no doubt she has no regrets.


    This girl may encounter some minor bumps, but I predict her life will blossom. She will grow in ways she never dreamed of. I believe each of us is here for a reason and each of us is unique and special and has something to offer that no one else has. The only way for us to get in touch with that is to live a life of congruence. The more closely aligned what we project on the outside is to what we feel and believe on the inside, the more life we live.  


    I want her to shift the center of her life from outside of her to inside of her. Get in touch with the values and principles most important to her. Write them down. Then let those values be her center of influence. Let her own approval or disapproval be her guide. The right thing to say or do will always be clear and always consistent because it will come from within.


    Living happy and free is living true.

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1 responses to “I’m gay and afraid what people will think. What should I do?” RSS icon

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