Women, life, happiness
  • “I have terrible follow-through, I suck with money and I get pissed off easily.”

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    "I'm not happy with myself, but I don't know what to do about it.  I constantly put stuff off and then feel like crap about it. I have trouble sticking with anything – even focusing. The truth is, it seems without even wanting to, I start arguments. I say stuff that I later wish I hadn't. Bottom line, I feel like a bitch. I don't even like me. What's wrong with me? How do I become a better person?"

    Well, my friend, you just took a monster-sized leap toward being the better person you want to be. Or, shall I say, "a better version of the good person you already are." You've recognized that the primary source of your unhappiness is you. And that's a good thing – a really good thing. Identification of the problem is the first step toward solving it.

    When people fool themselves into believing the source of their unhappiness is outside of them, whether it be other people or circumstances, they feel powerless. And they do nothing to make it better, other than bitch and complain. You are ready to take responsibility for your life and happiness and are hungry to know how to do it. Do you have any idea what an act of strength that is?

    So how do you become a better you?

    In four easy steps.

    1. Decide how you want to be. Remember, we're not talking about how you don't want to be. That trains your mind to focus on the negative. A great way to do this is to imagine how you want people to describe you. If someone who knows you well is telling another person about you, what would you want them to say?

    2. Forgive yourself for past behavior. Look, the fact is, none of us are perfect. This isn't a plug for my book (as it isn't even available for sale yet) but my entire first chapter explains how seeds get planted in our subconscious mind from an early age that go on to affect us in many ways as adults. Many of the beliefs you hold today and the behaviors you have as a result weren't by your choosing. And the best way to update them to beliefs and behaviors that better serve you is to realize two things. One, until now, they haven't been your choice and  two, you have the power to change them.

    3. Get your mind off you and your "issues" and on other people. Enrich the world around you and the return is immeasurable. Do more for others. Show kindness, compassion, acceptance, and generosity – without keeping score!

    4. Keep at it. You've practiced a lifetime to be the way you are. I promise it won't take a lifetime to change, but it will take some persistence. If you screw up and fall back to old patterns, let it go. Pick up your new and better attitude where you left off and keep going. At first, it will take conscious effort. In as little as three weeks (the time it takes to form a new habit), it will become more natural, easy. It will soon become the way you are rather than something you strive to be.

    Although that alone has the capacity to have a dramatic and lasting improvement on your behavior, it is possible there is more going on below the surface. Something that requires a little outside support. Before I explain, I again want to point out that I am not a therapist. I'm just a happy bitch obsessed by understanding what makes us tick with a passion for sharing what I learn to help women live their happiest life.

    To my knowledge, if you recognize most or all of the following characteristics, it is possible you have adult ADD.

    - Poor organization and planning.

    - Procrastination.

    - Difficulty listening carefully to directions.

    - Easily distracted.

    - Short attention span.

    - Relationship problems.

    - Engage in conflict-seeking behavior.

    - Excessive traffic violations.

    - Often late for appointments.

    - Low self-esteem.

    - Substance abuse, such as alcohol or amphetamines and cocaine.

    Now, don't get your bra in a twist here. If this is in fact what's going on, it's great news, because it means you can finally understand the stuff you do that makes no sense. Plus, ADD is highly treatable.

    ADD (in incredibly simplified terms) simply means a portion of the brain isn't operating at optimal capacity. It's not a big deal. Not in the sense that it is something to be ashamed of is what I mean.

    It still amazes me that we know our brain is the control center for everything, yet we feel ashamed or embarrassed when it doesn't function properly. It's no different than if we had problems with our heart, liver or stomach. When those organs aren't working properly, we go get help so they work better. Why should we look at problems with brain function any differently? We shouldn't.

    Maybe all your brain needs is a little tune-up.Think of it more as optimizing your wonderful mind rather than curing a defect.

    Per Daniel G. Amen, MD, author of The Brain in Love, a higher-protein, lower carbohydrate diet and intense exercise often help. But if you think this is what's going on, why not get yourself some expert help to get better? At least have a conversation with someone and take it from there. As with any medical or professional support, do your homework. Choose carefully who gets to privilege of helping you.

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