Women, life, happiness
  • Help! I’m stuck in my job and can’t get out!

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    March 10th, 2010Keryl PesceLife in general, Work

    Smart, genuine, caring, educated, and loyal. Oh, and did I mention funny and adorable? This girl seriously has her act together. If anyone has the world by the balls it's her. Except how did she find herself in the position of asking me “I feel stuck at my job. Everyone else always take the credit for what I do. I feel so unappreciated and unfulfilled. I feel like my time is being wasted. Help. What can I do?”? If a girl with this much going for her feels stuck, are the rest of us screwed? The fact is most of us who find ourselves in a less-than-ideal life situation actually do have our shit together. In the vast majority of situations, what’s required isn’t an overhaul of our lives. It’s usually one minor adjustment. A flicker of insight that shifts our thinking in a different direction and all of a sudden our life takes off faster than our control-top pantyhose on Friday night. What is her tweak? Can you spot it? I’ll give you a hint. Where is her focus? On the people and circumstances around her, isn’t it? Additionally, on what’s wrong both. Make a mental note. What we focus on expands. If the people around her don’t appreciate her, how much power does she have to change them? Zippo. So what will happen as long as this is her focus? Nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true. Her frustration will grow and sense of being stuck will strengthen. Can you see the pattern here? As long as she allows her thoughts to focus on other people changing their behavior, she reinforces the very thing she doesn’t want. Same goes for what she sees as wrong with the situation – feeling unfulfilled and her time being wasted. She sees clearly what is wrong with the picture, and feels completely justified in her position. Except unconsciously, she is actually seeking out evidence to support her belief. I guarantee you she gets up every morning, tired and not remotely excited about going to work, wondering what will happen today to prove to herself and the rest of the world she’s in a sucky position and can’t do anything about it. And guess what? She will get it. “See! This is exactly what I’m talking about. No one ever notices what I do around here.” It may sound like I’m picking on this girl. I’m not at all. I know her personally, and she is an impressive individual. What I want, however, is for her and you to see how we often get stuck in thought patterns and beliefs that steer us further and further away from that which we want. So let’s turn the wheel. Let’s get her pointed in the right direction. How do we do that? In two ways. First, by focusing on what she wants, versus what she doesn’t want. And two, by looking to herself for adjustments, change and solutions. Let’s start by looking at the opposite of what she currently is focused on. We already know what she doesn’t want. So what does she want? She wants passion, excitement and a sense of contribution. She wants to be recognized. Can you feel the difference in energy already? The biggest step has already been taken. Now, all she needs to do is look to herself to ask how she can get what she wants. Here’s the kicker. It’s possible a job change might be in order. As she shifts her focus and asks the right questions (of herself!) she will see. But maybe it isn’t needed. Let me ask you something. When you get behind a project that you are passionate about, what is your motivating force? Is it that someone will notice and pat you on the back? No. It’s the internal sense of satisfaction you get. We don’t do it for the recognition. And the irony is, when we take action from a place of passion and genuine desire to make a difference, without regard to recognition, what happens? We’re hugely successful, we feel extremely fulfilled and are we usually recognized. Then we’re almost embarrassed by the recognition. Why? Because that’s not what it was about for us. This is what I suggest for her and for you, should you find yourself in a similar situation. Get in touch with the gift you have to give. Identify what your own special, unique contribution can be to the end result of your work and focus on that. So long as she chooses to stay where she is, I want her to decide to completely kick ass at it. Not for anyone else’s sake, but her own satisfaction. She will discover one of two things. She will discover a newfound sense of passion for what she does and will be able to rid herself of the baggage of feeling unappreciated. Or, she will discover her job doesn’t provide her with the opportunity for passion and meaning, and the great news is, she’ll have her answer – look elsewhere where she can make a contribution. If that’s the case, she can ask herself three simple questions to guide her in the right direction: 1 – What am I naturally good at? 2 – What are my passions – what do I love? 3 – What need to people have that I can fulfill? Find the place where these three questions intersect, and magic will happen.

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