Hey there! I recently wrote a fun post for the music site Tunigo and thought I would share it here with you:

“Life’s a bitch and then you die” they say.

What I want to know is, who is the dimwitted “they” and why would they start such an ugly, self-defeating rumor? Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect and ashamedly admit the phrase has stumbled its way out of my mouth a time or two (along with some colorful words that would turn a truck driver’s head). And anyone on the outside looking in would fully (click here to read the full post on Tunigo)

So life's a real Bitch (capital "B" intended) lately, you say. You're doing your thing – keeping out of trouble (well, most of the time – a little might be fun), working hard, taking care of everyone around you – demanding boss, incompetent co-worker, whiney girlfriend and even whinier boyfriend. Everyone else gets what they need except you. The only one who showers you with unconditional love, affection, attention and adoration is your dog. And even SHE has crap you have to clean up.

What's the deal? Is life supposed to be (Excerpt from post for Girlfriendology. Click here to read full post.)

www.Happy-Bitch.com

www.Twitter.com/TheHappyBitch

Whether it is a boss who is borderline psycho (OK, hands in the air – who’s had one of those?), a company which doesn’t show its appreciation for your hard work, a co-worker who barely deserves the right to be called a “worker” or the conditions or functions of  your work sucking, there are ways you can be happier at work.

In a nutshell, you’ve got two options. You can either change your circumstances or change you.

Let’s address the first option.

Change your circumstances:

1 – Follow your passion.

Take 30 quiet minutes away from distractions (I know it may be tough, but figure it out) and do some blue-sky thinking. Temporarily set asideany real or perceived limitations and ask yourself “What would I love to do? What am I passionate about? What am I naturally good at or would love to learn to do? How can I serve other people? Find the point where the answer to all these questions intersects and you’re on to something. Look to find a job doing this or consider starting your own business.

2 – Don’t quit your day job.

At least not right away. When you make the decision to pursue your passion, you need to do so without the pressure of needing it to work. Don’t add unnecessary anxiety to the equation.

3 – Be patient AND persistent.

Start taking baby steps. Begin by having fun with your new ideas and project. Do it for the fun and excitement of it, and things are likely to fall in place faster. Good energy attracts good circumstances and opportunities. Stay with it.

Not everyone is cut out for making a major change of changing jobs or starting their own business, and that’s OK, so let’s talk about what options you have if this is you.

Change you:

1 – Quit bitching.

Honestly, nobody wants to hear it. Plus, the universe is not going to reward you for complaining. It will respond by giving you more to complain about. Stop waiting for someone or something to rescue you. Be your own hero. Start focusing on what you want, not what you don’t want.

2 – Become a bright spot.

Find a way every to positively impact the people with whom you come in contact. I met a bathroom attendant in an airport once who greeted people with such joy and amazing energy, people left the restroom with lifted spirits. The girl next to me at the mirror said she was pissed about leaving her shoes behind and now no longer cared. I ended up giving her an autographed copy of my book because she was such a beacon of light. If a bathroom attendant can find a way to enjoy her job and have a positive impact, so can you.

3 – Play.

Find ways (without being mean or wasting too much time), to create games. I’ll give you a great one to get the ideas flowing. Play Bingo. Find a co-worker or friend who either works with you or is in a similar situation. Create Bingo cards with the things that annoy you occupying the squares. If your co-worker texts constantly or if your boss has an annoying habit, put those in the squares. Each time one of these events happens, you mark of the square. First one with a Bingo wins. It may sound silly, but you will transform how you view what used to annoy you into something you will actually look forward to. That’s the magic and power of changing your perspective.

Bottom line, being happier at work or otherwise, begins with you.

Keryl Pesce is a happiness expert and the author of “Happy Bitch – The girlfriend’s straight-up guide to losing the baggage and finding the fun, fabulous you inside.” She is co-host of the weekly talk radio show “Happy Hour” and is co-founder of Happy Bitch wine.

This post comes courtesy of my Happy Hour radio show co-host Jonna Spilbor. Jonna is an attorney by day and as she likes to say "Superhero by night." Jonna is also a regular on Fox News and MSNBC and all around cool-chick and yes, a Happy Bitch. Enjoy her take on honesty always being the best policy, particularly when it comes to breakups. We talked about this topic during our September 29 radio show, Happy Hour, on Mix 97.7FM. Enjoy! You will love her style!

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?  

Let's chat about honesty.  Honesty is like that over-sized piece of flourless chocolate cake at the end of a five course meal.  You think you really want it because it sounds good, but as you’re choking down the last of that five-pound puck o’ fudge, suddenly it occurs to you that you didn’t really save room for it after all.  And now, you feel pukey.     

So here’s the question:  Is it really necessary to be completely honest all of the time? 

Nope.  There, I said it.  Don’t shoot. 

I get that some of you may be sitting there right now basking in the boldness of anonymity, courtesy of some pithy moniker, like “TaxiMom90210”, or “BieberBabe2U” or my personal favorite, "QT_3POINT_14", ready to blog me a new one.  You’re thinking, “Is this bitch really trying to tell me lying is okay?  Just like a lawyer!"

Hear me out.  There are times in life when honesty is not the best policy.

Do you really want someone else telling you that your new haircut sucks, or your boyfriend isn't that funny, or that the turkey casserole you bring to every potluck office party looks a lot like prison food?    

Of course not.  And what good would it do, anyway?  Your hair will grow back eventually and, hey, if you actually like the way you look in an asymmetrical bob that’s all bent on the left side, who is anyone else to judge? 

If honesty is so good for us, why is it so often do-see-do-ing with its ugly cousin, “brutal”?  Have you ever known anyone to be brutally pretty, brutally kind, or brutally rich?

My point is this: Too much honesty can be a bad thing, at least when all that "honesty" is being catapulted out of other people’s throats in your direction.  This can be especially true when it comes to break ups.

I’m going to tell you something that we should have learned way back in the sixth grade when little “Johnny Cool Sneakers” gave someone other than you a pink candy heart that said, “True Love”.   Ready?  When you find yourself on the receiving end of a post-it note from a new (or old) flame professing in five words or less that he's calling the relationship quits, you never, ever, never, ever, never need to know the real reason why. 

You see, there is one and only one reason why a lover decides to leave, and that is . . .

he's just not that into you.  Seriously. 

Unfortunately men, when pressed on the issue, will never admit that they are not attracted to the fabulousness that makes you, you.  In fact, many men believe the reason they are leaving is due to something you did (i.e., you hate his mother), or didn't do (you failed to pay proper homage to his penis, to which he refers as his "meat hog" when he's being especially romantic).

So ladies, please, save the exit interview for something that actually matters – like why you lost that slammin’ sales job at Abercrombie and hence, your thirty percent discount on all things denim. 

Women never need to autopsy a dead relationship. Just bury it in a super sexy box, and be done.

Real honesty – the good kind of honesty – actually, the only kind, comes from your inner voice.  The voice of your own self-confidence, your own inner warrior, or your own inner nag, whatever the case may be.  If it’s real to you, it’s real to you. There is no need to ever put someone else’s reality in your fabulous handbag and walk out of the store with it.  Leave it on the conveyor belt, girls. You don’t own it.   

That's my take.  What's yours?

Relationship mistakes? Who me? Yes, you. Yes, me. Yes, all of us.

If you've made relationship mistakes in the past, well, welcome to the club. I think we all have. Oh well. Move on. It doesn't matter so much that we've screwed up in the past, what matters is that we learn what works, what doesn't work and have the presence of mind to stay alert and not fall into the same old patterns and keep making the same mistakes. When relationships ain't going so hot, we all like to think it's the other person, but let's face it, it takes two to Tango, so let's make sure you're not contributing to the drama.

Here are the five biggest relationship mistakes you don't want to make, in reverse order:

5 – Trying to bitch your partner into loving you.

Come on now, be honest. He pisses us off and it's sooooo tempting to make digs at him to show him how wrong his behavior is. Resist the temptation! When was the last time someone bitched at you and it made you feel inspired to love them more? How about never? Cool your jets. Don't sweat the small stuff. If what you're going to complain about won't be such a big deal a year from now, refrain from the complain. Let it go. Before you open your trap, ask yourself if what you are about to say will draw him or her closer to you or push him or her further away.

4 – Not being honest.

You don't want people lying to you, so don't do it to other people. If you've got something you need to lie about or keep from your partner, perhaps you need to skip down to #1. Those little buggers have their way of surfacing their ugly heads and more often than not, it's 10 times worse than if you just owned up to it and got it out in the open.

3 – Pulling back when you're not getting what you want.

This is a pretty close sister mistake to #5. Pulling back is passive aggressive behavior, designed to influence and control the behavior of someone else. You feel he isn't giving you enough attention, respect, love, whatever, so you withhold the same. I get the knee-jerk reaction to do this, but the fact is, it doesn't get you more of what you want. Whatever you feel is lacking in a relationship or life for that matter, give more of.

2 – Trying to change your partner.

We're notorious for this. We think we're so special that he (or she) will finally change when they're with us. Don't go into a relationship knowing of someone else's faults and thinking you will change who they are. The one and only person you can change is you. If you want different results and behaviors from someone else, ask yourself what you can do differently. Then do it.

1 – Lacking the cajones to get out of a bad one.

You got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. I'm not suggesting you take flight at the first sign of trouble, because none of us are perfect. But know when this person simply isn't the right one for you and move on. You don't need to be spiteful or hurtful. Make a decision for you, not against him. Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back. If you know what you've got is bad for you and isn't what you want out of life, then go out there and get what is. Life is too short. You're not doing your partner any favors if you feel you are settling by being with him. If you care at all for him, he deserves to be set free to find someone who truly wants to be in the relationship.

Who doesn’t love a confident (not cocky!) person? Who doesn’t want to BE a confident person? We all do. As a matter of fact, balanced confidence helps us succeed in all areas of our lives – work, relationships, health, success, the whole kit and caboodle of what we want out of life. So what makes a person self confident? There are those who believe you either are a confident person or you aren’t. You know what I say? Bull. We all have the capacity to become self confident. Did some of us have a better head start than others depending our our childhood? Sure, but confidence isn’t something you have or don’t have as part of your being. It’s something you build and invest in.

Think of it like your bank account. If you’re loaded, wiping your ass with money and someone rips you off a buck or you lose a few bucks, no big deal, right? You’ve got plenty. On the contrary, if you are down to your last buck and someone steals it, what happens? You lash out. You become desperate. Why? You have nothing to fall back on, no reserves. That’s precisely how your self esteem operates.

Here are 7 ways to make deposits and avoid withdrawals from your bank of confidence:

1 – Quit hanging around people who put you down. If they don’t see your worth and what there is to love and praise about you, they don’t deserve your time. If you have no choice (co-worker or maybe relative), recognize that a person who regularly criticizes others is severely lacking in self confidence. They feel like crap about themselves and think putting others down will make them feel better. Don’t let their “stoopit” (as my friend and radio show co-host Jonna Spilbor would say) behavior affect you. It is much more a reflection on them than it is on you.

2 – Stop putting yourself down. Catch yourself saying or thinking negative things about yourself. And stop doing it! Remember, what you focus on expands. Start keeping score. Give yourself a point for every positive thought or comment you have about yourself. Take one away when you put yourself down. Work on getting into the positive.

3 – Quit comparing yourself to other people. You aren’t supposed to be like them, nor are they supposed to be like you. Celebrate what is special and unique about you. Don’t hide it.

4 – Keep a visible list of accomplishments and positive feedback. I keep a folder for each of my email accounts for compliments and positive feedback. When I’m having a bad day (yes, I definitely have them) and I’m questioning myself or my actions, I read them. It always kicks my confidence in a better direction.

5 – Expand your mind with knowledge and positive thoughts and experiences. A narrow mind is a confidence and success killer. Shut off the freaking reality TV drama garbage and read or watch something that grows your mind, expands your knowledge, wisdom and insight. Read a book – something that you learn and grow from. If you want suggestions for good books, email me your challenges in life and I’ll make a suggestion for you.

6 – Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Especially if it is slightly outside your comfort zone. Set out to succeed. Don’t sweat it if you don’t. Mistakes aren’t failures. Fear and avoidance of mistakes are.

7 – Get out of your own head and become curious about and interested in other people. If you fear meeting new people, get over it. Don’t worry about impressing with what you know (no one ever is). Get out there and make it a goal to learn about other people. You’ll never lack confidence in a group setting again.

Self confidence works just like a muscle – it grows in response to the performance required of it. Use it or lose it. You’ve got to exercise it. I’ve just given you 7 ways to do it.

What do the most magnetic and popular people have in common? Is it a sense of humor? Intelligence? Kindness? Looks? Wealth? What do you suppose it is? Maybe you think it’s all of the above.

Or maybe none of the above. OK, so you can argue that some of these attributes contribute to a person’s popularity, but can any one really make or break a person’s magnetism? You know the kind of person I’m talking about – the kind people are drawn to, interested in, like, want to spend more time with, admire, who make a significant positive impression on you.

I’ve always thought it was a package, that when a person possessed a few certain characteristics, that is what made them popular. Except when I look at some of the most popular people, they don’t all possess the same traits. Ellen DeGeneres is kind and funny. She is adored by millions of people. She is certainly magnetic. Then you’ve got Lady Gaga. There’s another hugely popular chick. Does she share the same traits as Ellen? Nope. But yet she is loved by millions as well. So what’s the formula?

I finally figured it out. And it happened during my girls weekend in Naples a few weeks ago.

After a day by the pool, my girlfriends and I freshened up, dolled up and stepped out for a bite to eat and some dancing. My one girlfriend kept talking about a super cool chick who was a DJ at place on 5th Avenue. We arrived (tans, bangle bracelets and heels in tow), slid into a booth and ordered some food and a round of drinks. Our drinks were soon delivered and we toasted to another great day and time with the girls and took our first sips. No sooner had we set our drinks back down, and she came over to our table. Who is “she”? One of the most magnetic people I have ever met – the chick DJ my friend kept boasting about – DJ Unek.

She addressed each of us, engaged with us, and pulled every single one of us in to her almost visible field of energy. When she stepped away from the table to spin the tunes we requested, we were all stunned. More than a few “Wow’s!” were shared. “What a great personality! What an impression! She is really cool!” And the funny thing is, that conversation continued hours later on our way home and the next day.

So what was this girl’s deal? Was she funny? Kind? Intelligent? All of these, but that wasn’t her wow factor. Her wow factor was her complete and utter love of and freedom to be who she is. She is openly gay and even blurs the lines of gender with her appearance. She is tattooed, pierced and spikes her hair. And she left a lasting impression on every last one of us. I used a flyer with her picture for this post because I want you to get a good visual. She is not average. She’s not what you’d call gorgeous or even “normal”. But we loved her.

And that’s what I want you to take away from this. I don’t care what you are passionate about, what you look like, what you believe, whatever it is, be 100% you. Make no excuses. Make no apologies. Make no compromises. You’ll forever set yourself free of trying to measure up, fit in or be anything different than exactly who you are meant to be. And that’s only half the benefit. The other half is people will be drawn to you for your love of yourself, rather than an image or a trait to which you need to maintain. Screw that. Be you. Love you. Celebrate you!

Health is a reflection of the relationship you have with your body.  ~Terri Guillemets

If your body could talk, what would it say to you? "Thank you for feeding me healthy foods and exercising me. I feel great. I look great. Oh, and thank you for  the importance you place on getting plenty of sleep so I can rejuvenate myself. I've shown my appreciation by removing those bags under our eyes."

While it may not use the same 26 letters you and I do, your body does in fact communicate with you on a daily basis. Let me ask you, what kind of conversation is your body having with you? If it doesn't sound anything like I just described, then you better start paying attention. Your body is trying to tell you something.

I see most health problems as communication. It's your body telling you something needs to change. Either with what you eat or don't eat, what you think and worry about, what you smoke or drink, or the amount of sleep and exercise you get.

I don't see most sickness or injuries as the luck of the draw. It's an alarm system. It's an opportunity to listen to what your body is saying and make better choices.

So tune in for a few minutes, if your body is talking to you using any of the following forms of communication, maybe it's time to make some changes, to reacquaint yourself and re-establish a healthy relationship with your body:

-Fatigue

-Headaches

-Low energy

-Excess weight

-Stiff neck

-Ulcers/intestinal problems

-High blood pressure

-High cholesterol

-Cancer – (Don't balk at this one. My good friend, Dr. Max Gomez, medical journalist with CBS News reports better than 70% of all cancers are due to lifestyle choices.)

-Frequent colds

I could go on.

No, I'm not a doctor, nor do I claim to be. But just as it doesn't take a degree to be a great mother, it doesn't take a degree to have some common sense. Treat your body well and it will do amazing things for you. It's simply a mindset and decision. It doesn't have to be complicated. Here's a few tips:

1 – Drink plenty of water. Especially this time of year. Every cell in your body functions better.

2 – Reduce fatty, fried, processed foods and cook more fresh whole foods.

3 – Eat lots of colorful foods. No, not M & M's – fruits, veggies, pure juices.

4 – Get more rest! Don't hand me the line that you don't have time. Make time or time will run out on you.

5 – Get your blood pumping. Go for a walk, get whatever kind and however much exercise works for you. But make it more than you're getting right now.

6 – Breathe. Relax. Slow your thoughts down and rest your mind.

7 – Take time for you. Do what makes you happy, what you enjoy.

8 – Spend less time with Energy Vampires and more time with those who are easy to be around.

9 – Quit blaming circumstances outside of your control for the state of your life and your body and take charge. It's your life, nobody else's.

10 – Don't strive for perfect behavior. Strive for better behavior. Big change can come with small steps.

Well if that ain't a pretty crappy return on your investment. If it were money you were investing, you'd be broker than a bikini waxer trying to make a living in the 70's. (Boy, hair styles certainly have changed, haven't they?)

So it's not money we're talking about, but the fact is, your emotions, your time and ultimately your life are far more valuable than any bank roll. So if you're investing in a relationship that's a losing proposition, well thenit's time to change the name of your game before you end up in the emotional poor house. And I don't necessarily mean immediately getting out of the relationship. That may or may not be the best option for you, but here are a few tips to step up your game.

1 – Set a goal.

If you planned to meet with a financial advisor (and I know a good one, who happens to share the same last name and dinner table with me), you would do so with at least some sort of goal in mind. So what is your goal with this relationship? You say you're losing 75% of every "dollar" invested right now.  What would an equal return look like to you?

As with anything in life, you need to define it first before you have a chance of obtaining it. What do you want from your partner that you currently aren't receiving? Do you want help cleaning up the dishes after dinner? Do you want him to ask (and listen to) how your day was? Do you want him to compliment how you look, act, or what you do? Do you want him to show affection more often? Would you like surprise flowers once in a while?

You have to imagine the relationship is where you want it to be, picture it, feel it, define it. Then . . .

2 – Communicate the goal.

I know what you're thinking. "I have. A thousand and one times."

Well, guess what sister, you're either with the wrong guy (which I'll address shortly), or, ready . . . the problem isn't the guy, it's how you've been delivering the message.

Remember when we were kids and one of our siblings was yakking away, annoying us? What did we do? Stuck our dirty fingers in our ears and drowned them out. "La, la, la, la, la! I can't hear you. I'm not listening!" 

If you attempt to tell your partner what he is doing wrong or ask for what you want at the wrong time or in the wrong way, that's exactly what he's doing. Now, I hope he isn't actually plugging his ears and acting like an 8-year old, but when your request comes across as bitching, as abrasive and critical, that's what's happening. He does not want to hear you. He doesn't care about making you happy at that moment. He cares about getting you to shut up. He cares about defending his actions, not changing them. 

Here's you: "Would it kill you to carry your dinner plate over to the sink once in a while?"

Here's him: "Would it kill you to not bitch at me for just one day?" 

Bitching at him might get him to pick up his plate and bring it to the sink. But you don't want simply the action. What you want it the motivation. If he wants to make you happy, he'll do it for sure. Does bitching at him make him want to do it? No. He'll begrudgingly (if at all) bring the plate over and withdraw from you and the relationship. Do that day after day and you get further and further away from what you really want. Closeness. Respect. Attention. Affection.

So what do you do?  First, forget about communicating your frustration in the heat of the moment if it's going to come out as a dig. Don't criticize the action AFTER he does it. You're setting him up for failure. Ask for what you want while he has the chance to decide to do it. As you're finishing your meal, ask him if he could do you a favor and maybe put a few things back in the fridge and drop his plate over by the sink. Don't be a wise ass about it. Think about it. When someone is a smart ass with you, trying to prove a point, how motivated are you to change your ways? Exactly.

3 – Do your part.

Take this tip to the bank.  I guarantee you he (or she) does not see the scales tipped the same way you do. If someone asked him who gives what percent to the relationship, do you think he feels as if you give 100% and he gives 25%? I doubt it. And if he really does feel that way, what are you doing in the relationship? Pack it up chickie and move on.

But what if he doesn't see it this way? If he isn't giving you what you need, and he's truly invested in being your partner, then that means only one thing. He feels you aren't giving him what he needs. Whether it's more freedom, compliments, sex, whatever. So going to him and simply handing over a laundry list of what you want, isn't going to get you squat. You need to find out what he wants more of to feel happier and more invested in the relationship. I'd even go so far as to suggest you ask him FIRST what he needs from you to be happier before you place your order. Don't be a chicken about it. You want to know. Either you can give it to him (and watch like magic how he begins to give you what you want) or you can't, and now, at least you know. You can begin putting things in motion instead of hanging out in limbo.

Approach getting what you want using these three simple methods and you just might be surprised by what happens. And if you honestly and sincerely make the effort as I suggest and nothing changes, well, maybe it is time to invest elsewhere.

and other relationship myths you'll see an entirely new light after reading "The Case for Falling in Love" by Mari Ruti, PhD. Trust me. You'll never view love or so-called failed love the same again.

You know I'm an avid reader, and when I agreed to review this book, I did so because I figured it would be an appropriate topic for you. I mean, who doesn't want to love, be loved, let go of past failed romances and understand the complicated web we call intimate relationships. This book could single-handedly take the place of any book on relationships you've ever read. Yes girls, ditch the old guides.

Not only is Mari's bookloaded with insight that is guaranteed to elicit more than a few "Aha!" moments, there is another reason I love it so much. One of my motivations for writing Happy Bitch was that many self-help books out there are jammed with priceless information . . . if you can stay awake. Don't get me wrong. I love these books, but I know damn well, there are thousands of people who could benefit from the information, but are disconnected because of the delivery. Not here. Mari nailed it. She's a PhD, bringing to the table incredible knowledge, but she does something so many brilliant authors fail to do – she speaks to us. She's not afraid to show her passions or her personality. I'm all for that.

So who is this book for and what can you expect to get out of it? See if any of these strike a nerve:

- I keep making the same mistakes with men.

-My heart has been broken by a man/failed relationship.

-How could my husband up and decide he wants someone else when he promised to love me for life?

-What do I need to do to find a quality guy?

-How do I recover from a painful breakup?

-What do I need to do to experience true love?

Mari deliver's the cupcake, the frosting AND the sprinkles. You'll get every answer clear as day with a bonus: the pressure of "doing relationships right" will be lifted by the time you turn the final page. This my friends, is relationship liberation. OK, so I'm starting to sound like a Mari Ruti groupie.

Fine, I'll give you a small negative. She goes on a bit of a rant bashing other self-help authors. I got the point long before the rant was over, but hey, you've got to give the girl credit for her passion. But keep reading. Once she gets off her soap-box, the myths of relationships will unravel right before your eyes.

To give you a few of my favorite excerpts: (And believe me, this book looks like an origami bumble bee with all my turned corners and yellow highlights.)

" . . . thinking that we must revamp ourselves before we can be loved can only lead to lowered self-esteem and romantic dead ends."

"If you can't be who you are, or act the way you want, what's the point of being in a relationship?" Amen sister!

"Women are taught that making a guy work for it raises their value. But I think that the very opposite is the case – that nothing signals lack of confidence more than the idea that you need to manipulate a lover in order to keep his interest."

"If you're filled with purpose and positive energy, you'll know that you're a great catch."

"Being able to tolerate periods of singleness is the flip side of high-quality relationships. It's impossible to love fully without risking aloneness."

"Whenever a guy fails to clear our bar, we have two choices. We can lower our bar. Or we can take it elsewhere."

"There's nothing better for your self-esteem than having the strength to reject what you know is bad for you. This goes for potato chips and pizza, but it also goes for certain kinds of men."

"A love failure is not a life failure. When it comes to love gone wrong, we need to give ourselves a break."

"Some of our most meaningful love affairs are those that fail."

"There's nothing like the agony of loss to make us want to actively participate in the shaping of our future."

"When we admit that love's mission might be to mold our destiny, we are able to view its misfortunes as an important part of the process."

"Over time, the losses of love can give rise to forms of psychological acumen that deepen our character. They can force us to grow layers of strength that we never realized we were capable of. In this sense, there are few mistakes in love."

"You can feel pain without being ruled by it. You can accept it without being shattered by it."

"A romantic failure urges us to reconceive who we are. It's conceivable that he has helped us become a better version of ourselves."

"Mourning demands that we, eventually, give ourselves the permission to start feeling better."

"Mourning is not just designed to make life possible after loss. It's designed to make new forms of life available to us."

"There's normally a compensation for the pain we are asked to endure. This compensation finds its way into our lives during the time it takes us to travel from the spot where loss punches us in the stomach to the spot where we start breathing again. This distance is exhausting to traverse. But it's also much more packed with insight that most other periods of our existence. "

"We sometimes discover that what most devastated us in the past becomes the cornerstone of our future." 

From personal experience, I can tell you, she is dead nuts on.

Highly, highly recommend this book. Here is a link to purchase on Amazon.