Women, life, happiness
  • Do you NEED a relationship to be happy?

    October 9th, 2014Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships

    dreamstime_11513655I’ve had recent conversations with two women who recently experienced breakups. Both are devastated, scared and on an immediate course to find a replacement to help them feel better. Who can blame them? It doesn’t feel good to be rejected or be alone. So the typical response is ease the pain and do it as fast as we can.  Often our first line of defense is to fill the gaping whole with someone new. Loneliness averted. Pain eased. So far so good. Until it isn’t.

    While I understand our desire to avoid or lessen the pain of rejection or loneliness, what concerns me about the answer these women seek is the instability of it. If our happiness and peace of mind are DEPENDENT upon another person, what happens when they either don’t meet our criteria or move on? We’re back at square one.

    Think of it this way. We’ve been given two feet to stand on. And when we are the center of our own universe and are balanced, we stand tall and strong . . . stable. When we choose to make others the center of our universe, the “makers or breakers” of our happiness, we don’t stand on our own two feet, we sit our asses on a 3-legged stool. We make that other person we desire into our third leg. If they’re in our life, we’re stable. If they’re not, we become unstable, topple over, or at best, wobble around.

    So how about rather than looking for the quick fix, the one that’s risky, we first work on getting ourselves centered, strong and stable on our own two feet. This is what it means when people say “Use this time to work on yourself.”  It may not be what we want to hear, but the advice is dead nuts on. I’m not suggesting anyone give up the search for that perfect someone, but how about searching not from a place of need or fear and from a place of “I’m good, I like me, I like my life and would enjoy sharing it.” And guess which state of mind attracts more of and the right kind of people to you? The needy one or the confident one?

    So far it makes sense, but here’s the rub. How? How do we do that? What does it mean and what steps do I take to work on me to become solid on my own two feet?

    Here are some specific ways you can get yourself centered and strong. The cool thing is you don’t need to do all of them. Do any one of these and your life will improve. Do them all, and magic begins to happen.

    #1 – Get specific on what you desire. Write it down if you want. Then here’s the part most of us don’t realize is key: let it go. That’s right. Set it and forget it. Put it out there and let it come. Quit worrying about it and trying too hard.

    #2 – Set a new goal for yourself. Your new goal is to get your self esteem back – from the inside out. You want to be balanced and the center of your own universe. Fall in love with yourself again. I mean it. Nothing is more magnetic and attractive than a person who loves herself.

    #3 – Raise your awareness to your thoughts.  When you catch yourself worrying or thinking negative, stop. Find another thought that feels more empowering. ESPECIALLY if that that is a negative one about yourself. Treat yourself as if you are someone you love very much. Someone who you want to show affection to, whose spirits you want to lift, whose dreams you want to support.

    #4 – Begin a daily practice of gratitude. When you align your energy with that of gratitude, the universe gives you more to be grateful for. Make it a habit to not drift off to sleep at night or climb out of bed in the morning without finding something or many things to be grateful for.

    #5 – Begin telling a new story. When you talk about what’s wrong in your life, you perpetuate the situation. It may be accurate that things aren’t currently as you wish, but quit harping on it. Start talking about what you want to see in your life. Then watch what shows up.

    #6 – Breathe deeply 21 times in a row as many times a day as you want, whenever you want. At work, in the shower, in the car, anytime you feel stressed out. This is the fastest way to ease tension and center yourself.

    #7 – Become the director of your imagination. It is true that our imagination is the pre-cursor to life’s coming attractions. Your imagination is an extremely powerful tool. You already possess it. You’ve just never been taught how to use it properly. Your thoughts and your imagination are under YOUR control. Use them to create the life you dream of.


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