Women, life, happiness
  • Do fairytale relationships exist only in the movies?

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    October 21st, 2010Keryl PesceFamily and Relationships, Life in general

    When you consider the barrage of bad news from television and magazines about the percent of marriages that end in divorce, are on the rocks, or simply just suck, it's no wonder the pattern continues to repeat itself. We get what we expect, right?

    Add to that, one of the few thorns in my side that is called "reality TV", further pounding into our heads that a typical relationship involves nagging, fighting, selfishness and downright meanness, it's a wonder any of us actually do have great relationships. We are so programmed to believe relationships are difficult. As a matter of fact, on the occasion that I do share how happy I am in my marriage, how easy it is and that we rarely ever experience what you would consider an argument, guess what? People don't believe me. Their loss, and I'll explain why in a minute.

    Anymore it seems the only place we believe fairytale relationships exist are in the world of make-believe – romantic movies and juicy romance novels. It's no wonder romance novels outsell virtually any other type of book. We have fooled ourselves into believing that in the imagination of a gifted writer, is the only place a beautiful relationship exists.  Allow me to set the record straight (or gay for that matter).

    You, I, and every other person walking the face of this earth acts out, makes decisions, and manifests largely what we believe and expect. You believe relationships are hard work? Buckle up baby, they will be. You expect to argue and be unhappy a  fair amount of the time? Gloves on, arms up, get ready to rumble.

    So how about something different? How about resetting our expectations? How about believing that the perfect person for you is out there? That it is possible to fall in love and stay in love. That relationships are easy.

    What would happen if we began to expect something different, something better? I'll tell you what. Something different and better happens.

    A close friend of mine, divorced and dating for many years found someone she really liked. Until, for the first time in her life, the other person respectfully ended the relationship. While he was kind in his approach, she was knocked for a loop.

    I told her as painful as it was, this was the universe making room for the right one. The one who would love and adore her, make her clearly number one in his life, having no-doubt that she and only she was the one he wanted to be with. Fast forward to less than a year later. She is completely head-over-heels in love. Her new man looks at her, shakes is head and says to me "I am so lucky." And he has said it to me time and time again. My friend in turn, looks at him, smiles and glows and says to me "I am so lucky."

    Lucky? I suppose partly. But I think it began with a simple belief. The perfect one for me is out there and I will find him or her.

    Her belief created her reality. Fluke thing? Nope. She wasn't the only one who hit the reset button.

    Another close friend of mine experiencing a bitter divorce was devastated by the loss of his family as he knew it. She wanted out. He didn't. Despite infidilities, cruel and violent behavior on her part, he still didn't want to let go. Let go of what? Familiarity, the white-picket-fence image of the happy family. It's easy enough on the outside looking in to think he must have been a nut case to want to stay in the relationship, but the fact it, we are highly drawn to that which is familiar to us, not necessarily what is best for us.

    Anwyay, as he began to recover, I continued to promise him this would work out to his favor in the long run, as long as he let it. This divorce, as painful as it was, was forcing him to open up his life to something fantastic. Something he would not have had the courage to reach for if this didn't happen.

    Fast forward his life, again about a year, enter fairytale. He too is now in a beautiful relationship with someone who adores him and with whom life has become a virtual living dream.

    While I don't take credit for their relationships, I do take credit for one thing. Helping each of them reset their expectations for something better. To believe before they could see. That is faith.

    They both tell me everything I told them when they were down and out, came true.

    It only did because they believed me. Do you?

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